


Lucifer's Christmas Portrait

by Antarctic_Echoes



Series: Luciferian Fics (One shots) [12]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Humor, Lucifer is to blame for odd looks, Naked Lucifer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8973115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antarctic_Echoes/pseuds/Antarctic_Echoes
Summary: Lucifer comes up with the perfect gift to give everyone at the precinct... or so he thinks.  Chloe ends up having to straighten him out.Takes place after S2x10 during the period when Lucifer and Chloe are happy.  :-)A very short Christmas one-shot.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AmyIsARealPhelps](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyIsARealPhelps/gifts), [ScooterThyme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScooterThyme/gifts).



> This is dedicated to AmyIsARealPhelps and ScooterThyme for the wonderful plot bunnies -- thank you! Merry Christmas!!
> 
> A big thank you to my wonderful beta, ScooterThyme, for reviewing this despite being swamped with work. Thank you!
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Lucifer Morningstar and Chloe Decker are owned by Vertigo Comics, DC Comics, Neil Gaiman, Mike Carey, and everyone else involved with the Lucifer TV show and comic books. I own nothing and make no money on this. I merely am borrowing the characters for... uh... writing practice.

 

 

Chloe Decker was not having a good day.

It was amazing how just one little thing could start a nightmarish snowball of bad luck rolling down a hill.  First her alarm didn’t go off, which unfortunately set the tone for the morning.  It caused her to be late in taking Trixie to school.  Next, she hit horrible traffic downtown on the way to work, and nearly got sideswiped by another car.  When she finally got to the precinct, she discovered that Lucifer, of all people, had parked in her parking space.  All this on the day before Christmas Eve!  She wanted to scream.

“Seriously, Lucifer?  Seriously?!” she muttered under her breath as she grabbed her things and headed toward the precinct.  Horrible, unmitigated rage ran unchecked through her as she stormed into the building.  She would track down her wayward partner and have him move his stupid-ass toy car, or else she’d beat him into a pulp...!

Even as she burned in anger, a part of her brain knew she was being unreasonable.  Yes, Lucifer had parked in her space, but it wasn’t the end of the world, was it?  It wasn’t his fault that her alarm didn’t go off that morning!  And yet... she couldn’t seem to squelch her fury.  She was just so angry!  She was sick and tired of the rude people on the streets, the pushing and shoving, the crazy drivers... just everything.

Taking a deep breath, she did her best to calm down.  All she wanted, really, was to sit quietly at her desk and do paperwork.  No case.  No drama.  Just... quiet.  And she could have that -- all she had to do was just relax.  Chill.

But she didn’t get her desperately desired peace and quiet.  No.  She got weird looks instead.

That was the first thing she noticed as she walked down the hall, and it didn’t help her mood one bit.  People turned and looked at her.  Not just looked --  _ stared. _  She usually got some careless glances as she came in day to day, but this... this was different.  Some of the women pointed and giggled.  Others looked at her with what appeared to be envy in their eyes.  As she passed by the desk sergeant, he said, “Lucky.”

A detective she wasn’t well acquainted with walked right up to her, looked her up and down, and with a hungry glance said, “I’ll trade partners with you.”

Chloe stared uncomprehendingly at the woman, whose name she finally remembered was Emily Hardich.  “I beg your pardon?”

“I’ll trade partners with you.  I’ll even pay you.  How much do you want?”

The blonde detective couldn’t help but gape.   _ “What?!” _

“I.  Want.  Your.  Partner,” Hardich said slowly, as if speaking to a child.  “Name your price.”

The temper that Chloe was trying so hard to suppress erupted in her, along with a hot, burning emotion that caught her by surprise -- possessiveness.  “Lucifer is not for sale,” she snarled.  “Lucifer’s  _ my _ partner.   _ Mine. _  Go find your own.”

Shoving past the obnoxious woman, Chloe raged inwardly at Hardich’s audacity.  The nerve of her!  What did she think Lucifer was -- a piece of meat?!  What were they, two dogs fighting over a bone?!

As she turned a corner and headed for the bullpen, she noticed that the weird looks were increasing.  Many women and men pointed at her and whispered, which just made her even angrier.  What the hell was going on?!

When she got to the bullpen, she was surprised to find Lucifer there, standing on a desk, surrounded by many women and a few men.  Impeccably dressed as always, he bowed and waved to the crowd, laughing delightedly and bantering with them.  Chloe saw with disgust that everyone was ogling him in a nauseating, fawning manner.  Rolling her eyes, she tried to tamp down the sudden urge to kill everyone.

Why did she suddenly have the very bad feeling that her partner was to blame for everyone’s odd behavior toward her?

Lingering at the back of the crowd, she watched silently for a few minutes.  Lucifer was passing out what appeared to be colored photos to the group.  The people pushed and shoved each other like animals to be the recipient of whatever he was giving away.

“Now, now, there’s enough for everyone,” Lucifer said brightly as he looked over the people around him.  His face instantly lit up when he caught sight of Chloe.  “Detective!”

Trying hard to stay calm, she crooked her finger at him.  With a grin, the tall man hopped off the table and made his way through the press of people to reach her side.  “Hello, Detective!”

She didn’t say anything -- merely grabbed his arm and dragged him to an interrogation room where they could have some privacy.  Once there, she hissed, “What the hell, Lucifer!”

He blinked at her while cocking his head, his handsome face a study of confusion.  “Is something wrong?”

Taking a deep breath and counting to ten, Chloe asked tightly, “Just what were you doing over there? What were you giving out?”  She pointed to the papers he held tightly to his plum-colored shirt.  “What the hell is that?”

“This?”  Her partner’s face broke out into a gleeful grin.  “This is my Christmas present to everyone here at the station!  Would you care for one?”

As Lucifer handed her one of the papers, Chloe could feel the nervous energy pouring off of him.  Without looking down at what he held out to her, she squinted suspiciously at him.  “Are you high?”

“Of course not, Detective!”  For a moment he looked affronted, before giving her a sly grin.  “But it’s not for lack of trying, I assure you!  No, no, I am merely... excited.”  He pointed at the paper.  “Right.  Go on, Detective -- take a look!”

Chloe gazed down at the paper he had handed her; it was actually a glossy 8x10 photograph, which he had autographed in silver ink.  Her eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped open as she stared at the image.

It was Lucifer.  Naked.

_ Stark naked. _

In a pose that emphasized his wedding tackle.   _ Prominently. _

Chloe choked on air, gasping as she stared at the image.  What the hell?   _ What the hell?! _

“It’s Naked Me, Detective!” he crowed happily.  “This holiday season, I’m giving everyone the gift of Naked Me!  Isn’t it absolutely lovely?  It’s a stroke of genius!  I believe I have outdone myself!”

“You -- you gave -- they all saw --” she sputtered.  No wonder Hardich wanted to trade partners!  And... oh god, everyone thought she and Lucifer were --

She punched him in the eye.  She couldn’t help it.

“What the hell, Lucifer!  What the hell are you doing, giving everyone pictures of Naked You?!” she screeched.

“Bloody hell, Detective!” he yelped as he rubbed his eye.  Taking the photo from her hands, he glanced down at it and said proudly, “I thought it was a grand idea.  I didn’t know what to give everyone for Christmas, when it struck me -- what more could anyone want besides a portrait of pure perfection?  I thought the photographer did an exceptionally fine job in accentuating my --”

“You can’t give these out to people!” Chloe yelled, snatching the stack of photos from his hands and slamming them down on the interrogation desk.

Lucifer gave her a surprised look, before a sultry look came into his eyes.  Leaning his face close to hers, he asked, “Are you jealous of others seeing my naked glory, my dear?  I’d be more than happy to give you a private viewing of the real thing if you like.  Up close and personal, alone in your bedroom....”

Chloe felt a flush rush up her neck and burn her cheeks at his words.  The idea of Lucifer naked in her bedroom caused arousal to shoot through her insides, sending heat coursing through every inch of her body.  As she looked up into his dark, sensuous eyes, she could feel herself drowning in desire --

_ No! _

She couldn’t fall prey to her passions.  He was her partner, for god’s sake!  She couldn’t do this!  Full of panic, she did the only thing she could do: she punched his other eye.

“Bloody hell, Detective!” he yelped as he stumbled away from her.

“Everyone’s going to think you’re a perv!  They will arrest you!” she yelled at the top of her lungs.

“But --”

Grabbing his shirt, she yanked him close and snarled, “You go back through the entire precinct and you take back every single one of these pictures, do you hear me?!   _ Do you?!” _

A hurt look spasmed across his face.  “Is it really so bad, Detective?”

“Yes!  You’re my partner!  I don’t want you arrested!  Now go!”

Lucifer gave her a mopey look before his shoulders slumped and he turned away.  “Very well.”

A horrible feeling washed through Chloe, as if she had kicked an innocent dog.  With a big sigh she grabbed his hand and pulled him into a hug.  He stood there frozen for a moment, before his arms went around her and held her tight.

“Look, I’m sorry for yelling, but I really don’t want to arrest you,” she said gently.  Looking up into his sad eyes, she said, “You’re my partner.  I enjoy working with you, and I don’t want anything to jeopardize that, okay?”

The tall man stared down at her, the hurt lines in his face easing and gentling to something else.  Something she couldn’t identify.  Something... more....

Chloe blinked and pulled back.  Had... had she just seen love on his face?

Staring up at him with surprise, she watched as he ducked his head self-consciously and give her a shy smile.  No, she must have been mistaken.  Lucifer didn’t love her.  A touch of regret made her chuckle.  Wishful thinking, perhaps....

As she released him, he asked, “What should I give everyone for Christmas, then?”

“I don’t know.  Something normal, like chocolates....”

When Lucifer’s face brightened, Chloe knew she was in trouble.  “Splendid!  Chocolates would be perfect!”

Narrowing her eyes, she asked suspiciously, “Why do you say that?”

“I can give chocolates in the shape of my stupendous crown jewels!  I know an excellent chocolatier who owes me a favor.  She would be more than happy to model some chocolates after my glorious splendor!”

Panic and horror gripped Chloe.  “Lucifer, no --”

“Yes!  It is perfect!”

“But you can’t --”

“Au contraire, my dear Detective, I can -- it will be wondrous!  Thank you so much for the idea, love!  I should have come to you first!”

Chloe flung up her arms in frustration as her partner started heading for the door.  “Why do I even try?!  Why am I such a glutton for punishment?”

His head whipped around at that, a gleeful grin brightening his face to such an extent that he practically glowed.  “Why, Detective!  I had no idea you were one for punishment!  Ooooh, the things we can do!  Where are your handcuffs?”

As he reached for her, she slapped his hands away.  “You stay away from my handcuffs, you ass!”

Ignoring her outrage, he continued with his ruminations and tapped his chin with his index finger.  “We can get some whips and chains from Maze, and oh!  Do you like to be spanked, my dear?  Perhaps we should invest in a paddle.  Are you a public humiliation type of woman?  For you know, I can --”

“Lucifer!  If you don’t cut this out right now, I will shoot you!”

His face lit up even more with that.  “Ooooh yes!  A punisher as well as a punishee!  Do it, Detective!  Do it!”

Letting out a strangled scream, she pulled back her arm to punch him yet again.  Seeing that Chloe had finally run out of patience, the Devil suddenly cried, “Oh my, look at the time!  I must buy those punishment supplies straight away, my dear!”  Before she could even blink, he had run out the door and was gone.

For a brief second Chloe just stood there in shock, her fist still pulled back in a coiled position, before she started chuckling.  Leave it to her partner to get her laughing.  Rubbing her forehead with her hand, she shook her head at her weird, crazy, adorable partner.  With a sigh, she glanced down at the stack of photos on the table.  She’d drop them off at the shredder.

Picking one up, she gazed at the photo of Lucifer once again.  She had to admit that he  _ was _ beautiful enough to grace the centerfold of a Playgirl magazine, and he  _ did _ make her heart beat faster....  No wonder all the people in the bullpen had been clamoring for his picture!  Pressing the photo to her with a smile, she decided to keep one -- just one! -- as a memento of this very strange day....

 


End file.
